Horoscope
Issue date: 3/10/10 Section: Horoscopes
Aries (March 21-April 20) - Sleep, who needs it? Not you! Just keep going to class and work and somehow, you'll end up with a magical 16 hours a week that you can use to apply for that dream job. Your significant other can just wait to get their thrills so get on with your bad self.
Taurus (April 21-May 20) - Despite being the most "fabulous" person in your class you have trouble in your future. Just a couple of hints - when the teacher asks you to "sit down and shut up," they are not "jealous of your hair" like your best friend insists, and all those glares from the classmates are not envy at your $275 shoes.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) - All Gemini kids are thinking of these days is pizza! Enough is enough! I don't want to hear about how you can't live without Glass Nickels "couch potato" special or how a day doesn't go by where a $5 Hot-N-Ready doesn't zip through your mind anymore. It's bad enough your roommates have to walk in to you mostly naked with pizza strewn about the room, but now you're bringing this addiction to school? Ridiculous… care to share a slice?
Cancer (June 22-July 22) - You thought lung cancer was bad, wait until you meet a Cancer. A vile creature this week, you will have various rotted fruits thrown at you and be tripped at random intervals in the hallway. However, do not fret, for there is hope! We're not quite sure what it is but it's there, in theory.
Leo (July23-Aug. 22) - Despite the recent encounter with your ex, making life "awkwaaaaaard," you still have it all; the looks, the height and the moves. Keep trucking forward my friend and you will find your true love along with $20, and who couldn't use $20?
Virgo (Aug. 23-Spet. 22) - Despite popular belief, this week you shall find true love. All your friends were indeed wrong; your true love will soon be dribbling their way into your heart soon. Always remember, when falling for a Wolf, bring protection. Good luck my friend!
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) - When asked what Libras are most excited for this week we couldn't believe our ears. Now that we know the truth, we too are hoarding food, gathering blunt instruments, and preparing for a harsh 2011. That's right folks, here comes the Zombie Apocalypse, in all its end-of-world glory.
Taurus (April 21-May 20) - Despite being the most "fabulous" person in your class you have trouble in your future. Just a couple of hints - when the teacher asks you to "sit down and shut up," they are not "jealous of your hair" like your best friend insists, and all those glares from the classmates are not envy at your $275 shoes.
Gemini (May 21-June 21) - All Gemini kids are thinking of these days is pizza! Enough is enough! I don't want to hear about how you can't live without Glass Nickels "couch potato" special or how a day doesn't go by where a $5 Hot-N-Ready doesn't zip through your mind anymore. It's bad enough your roommates have to walk in to you mostly naked with pizza strewn about the room, but now you're bringing this addiction to school? Ridiculous… care to share a slice?
Cancer (June 22-July 22) - You thought lung cancer was bad, wait until you meet a Cancer. A vile creature this week, you will have various rotted fruits thrown at you and be tripped at random intervals in the hallway. However, do not fret, for there is hope! We're not quite sure what it is but it's there, in theory.
Leo (July23-Aug. 22) - Despite the recent encounter with your ex, making life "awkwaaaaaard," you still have it all; the looks, the height and the moves. Keep trucking forward my friend and you will find your true love along with $20, and who couldn't use $20?
Virgo (Aug. 23-Spet. 22) - Despite popular belief, this week you shall find true love. All your friends were indeed wrong; your true love will soon be dribbling their way into your heart soon. Always remember, when falling for a Wolf, bring protection. Good luck my friend!
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) - When asked what Libras are most excited for this week we couldn't believe our ears. Now that we know the truth, we too are hoarding food, gathering blunt instruments, and preparing for a harsh 2011. That's right folks, here comes the Zombie Apocalypse, in all its end-of-world glory.
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