The Clarion

Issue date: 10/28/09 Section: Opinion

Media Credit: MCT Campus

So get this: I'm doing my grocery shopping with my iPod playing in my ear, Billie Jeaning my way through the grocery store like I usually do, and when I round the corner to aisle two, this guy gives me that look, the look that says I am too embarrassing to exist. It is a look that I am proud to say I have received a lot in my life. Sometimes it is deserved (I guess pretending to make out with your apple in the high school cafeteria is a bit bold), and sometimes it is not (a good sandwich just begs to be made out with). Dancing to the music that is playing in my ears is not, in my opinion, an act worthy of the look of condemnation. In fact, I sincerely believe that the world would be a better place if everyone would just let go and feel the music. In support of this, I am willing to extend my hard-earned tax dollars to install a speaker system in every seat in Congress. I can see it now. Tune in a little "Where is the Love" by the Black-Eyed Peas and we might finally have universal healthcare. Then I can just be afraid of being a starving artist instead of a starving artist whose heart surgeries are paid out-of-pocket. Crank up a little George Michael and I might be able to get married no matter what state I live in. Although there's considerable irony in that, I suppose.

Whenever I see someone feeling the music, whether they be rapping in their car, rocking on their motorcycle, or, god help us, ho-downing on their moped, I don't judge them. Why would I when they have just made my day? As we already learned last issue, there are enough jerks in the world to drive us all crazy, so why not alleviate the stress by turning up the radio and dancing ourselves happy? And for all those straight guys that just judged me for using the phrase 'dance ourselves happy,' come on, turn it up and let it go. Do it alone in some quiet secluded corner if you have to (that's right butch guy in the corner cubicle in the Truax library, I saw it), just do it.

Now, dear readers, I know that this is going to be scary, so take some advice from a veteran who has achieved Billie Jeaning through the grocery store. There are two rules. Rule One: Let no one inhibit your dancing, with this exception: do NOT grind the grocery cart in front of a child. You don't make that mistake more than twice. Rule Two: Do not start out with Thriller in the produce section. This is a rookie mistake. This is for two reasons: One- high-traffic area with a lot of judgmental fruits watching and Two- even Michael Jackson had to start with "ABC-123." But don't be discouraged. It's a fast process. I'm sure you have time enough to be able to Thriller past the Halloween candy, if that's your goal. But be forewarned: the looks of condemnation, and they who execute them are out there, waiting for you to show up and waiting to ruin your buzz. Don't let them. (Rule One, remember?)

As for my story, just like licking lunch food, I didn't let the look hold me back. WWMD? What would Michael do? That's right. I moon-walked past the toilet paper.

Page 1 of 1

Article Tools